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Empty Nest Divorces

Wednesday, January 11th, 2017

Happy New Year.  We’ve been away from our blog for some months, owing to a really wonderful experience teaching Mediation Theory and Skills at the University of Pennsylvania Law School.  Now we are “back in the saddle” full time.

We’ve had the chance to reflect on several issues in our practice, which we will address here and in upcoming blogs.

Today’s installment: Working with couples who are divorcing late in life, after a long marriage.

For over a decade, we have noted that dividing up the assets, at the end of a multi-decade relationship, often seems simpler and less contentious than when the kids are young or careers are still taking off.  Such couples, cliched or not, seem to consistently bring wisdom and perspective to their conversations, not to mention a wish to see the other thrive as the marriage itself ends.  The compassion we often observe drives parties toward dividing the assets, often equally, but even then, taking in to account each one’s future earning abilities and goals for how to live the later phases of life. They may never pursue a legal divorce, rather, they may live independently of one another, in order to take advantage of tax benefits and health insurance.  There may be a very real consideration, for both, of living on a fixed income post-retirement.  An interesting component of mediating the dissolution of long-term marriages, is often the input of the adult children.  Their values about how each parent treats the other can influence the final settlement.  As couples age, retire and consider how they wish to shape their futures, there is, of course, pain, but often less contentiousness and anxiety.  A shared history, in other words, informs a fair and even kind-hearted result.

Here are other perspectives, from the LA Times: http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-rivers-barnett-gray-divorce-20160928-snap-story.html

and from NPR: http://www.npr.org/2016/03/19/469824356/boomers-face-a-divorce-revolution-but-some-can-learn-from-happy-couples

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J.D., Queens, New York

“I can’t imagine two mediators with more integrity and impartiality. They guided us through the difficult process of divorce with incredible knowledge, empathy, and honesty. Because of them, we established a neutral dialogue that has continued to this day. I am deeply grateful to Family Mediation.”

–J.D., Queens, New York

C.A., Manhattan

“Ellie and Abby were able to help resolve a conflict that had seemed irreconcilable after months of efforts by other professionals. Their deep empathy combined with legal expertise gave me the confidence I needed to withstand the most stressful challenge of my life. Their commitment to achieve optimal results went far above and beyond all my expectations.”

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“Thank you both for all your help and hard work. You made a difficult process bearable. Thank you both for listening to me, understanding and then telling me what I needed to hear and know.”

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A.T., New York, New York

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M.B., New York, New York

“I cannot recommend Abby and Ellie from Family Mediation highly enough. These two attorneys are humanistic and effective practitioners of family law. They will help you and your spouse work through any problems that may arise. They are wise and experienced and most of all, they are decent human beings who really care about their clients.”

–M.B., New York, New York

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